


Jawbreaker

by g_girl143



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apartment AU, Dark, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Murder, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Reylo - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, kylo x rey - Freeform, maybe a bit ooc, snoke if you squint hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-02-06 12:52:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12817935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g_girl143/pseuds/g_girl143
Summary: Ex-con Kylo Ren moves to Niima Apartments, determined to pick up the pieces of his broken life when he meets Rey, a strange girl who seems mysteriously drawn to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please take note of the tags. This fic is not for the squeamish.

The first time he met her was when he moved in to the dilapidated old building that was Niima Apartments in Jakku City, moving in what pitifully little things he had to his rented room on the seventh floor. The neighborhood wasn’t anything fancy either. In fact, it was downright seedy—not at all like what he had grown up with, but here he could be invisible.

He had to be if he was going to avoid public scrutiny.

After putting the last of his clothes in the closet, he stuck his head out the window for some air, only to find a girl sitting precariously on the rusty railing of the nearby fire escape, licking and sucking on a piece of round candy. The sounds and image she made were almost obscene, and he had to take a moment to clear his head.

“Hey, kid. Get off the railing. That’s dangerous.”

She turned to look at him then, her eyes—hazel and shadowed by something he couldn’t define—giving him a once over as her lips let go of the candy with a pop. He recognized it to be a jawbreaker.

“I’m not a kid,” she muttered, but got herself off the railing and onto the platform to face him fully. She was a small girl, loose brown hair capped under a red beanie, a gray long sleeved shirt two sizes too big hanging over boney shoulders, and knobby knees protruding over a slashed pair of jeans.

 “Sure, kid,” he replied, his fingers curling around the windowsill when she started licking the jawbreaker again. “You live around here?”

She smiled around the candy, or at least he thought she did. “New here aren’t you?”

He shrugged. “Obviously.”

She stared at him in silence, eyes unblinking, lips dragging around the jawbreaker.

He gritted his teeth. “Will you stop that?”

“Stop what?” she asked, not without a hint of sing-songy innocence that made his knees buckle.

“You know what I mean.”

“Boy, someone’s got a stick up their ass.” She reached into her pocket, took out a square piece of foil and wrapped the jawbreaker in it. Was she actually planning to save that for later? “I’m Rey. I live right next door.”

He started to say ‘Ben’, but managed to stop himself. Ben Solo was long gone—buried by an unfair justice system, a prejudiced society, and hidden beneath long, unkempt hair, a moustache and a goatee. “Kylo. Kylo Ren.”

 “Huh.” She nodded, hazel eyes moving over his sleeveless top and black pants, eyelashes fluttering and lips forming into a lazy smile. “Mmm. You work out?”

“I...uh...work in construction.” He wasn’t exactly sure if that was the right response. Had this interaction come from a woman decked in makeup and dressed in a skinny little number, he would’ve been sure she was flirting with him. “How old are you anyway?”

“I’m legal, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She chuckled. “Eighteen. Why? You interested?”

Fuck, he thought, as he felt his cock scream out from the confines of his pants. He hadn’t gotten laid. Not in a very long time. And ten years was a damned long time.

“That’s not funny, kid,” he practically growled. “You don’t joke about stuff like that to complete strangers. It could get you in trouble with the wrong people real fast.”

 “Who said I was joking?”

That shadow again. Over her eyes. The girl was dead serious, and it made his skin grow suddenly hot.

He let his gaze move over her. She wasn’t unattractive. She was actually quite pretty. A little small in the tit department, but from what he saw earlier, she had a pretty nice ass and an overall good figure. But she looked a little bony, a little undernourished. A little... “Too young for me, kid. Go home.”

She only shrugged, her shirt sliding off a little to reveal a little more of her pale shoulder. Fuck. “Suit yourself. I’ll be next door if you need me or whatever.”

He watched her get off the railing and slide herself into the window next door, the curve of her ass teasing him for a moment before she disappeared inside.

He slammed the window shut, threw himself on the bed and freed his cock, careful to make as little noise as possible as he fisted his way to release, the mental image of the girl next door, sucking and licking on that hard candy still ghosting in his mind.

He’d been right to warn her about all the wrong people in the world. He was one of them.


	2. Chapter 2

It was past midnight, and Kylo was whiling away his time with some late night television when a flurry of knocks rang from his door.

He shot up from his arm chair, alarm bells ringing in his head. He hadn’t done anything wrong...had he? He’d done his time. Never missed a single appointment with his parole officer. He shouldn’t have anything to be afraid of. Unless it was one of those boys from the penitentiary, and it was that thought that made him grab the baseball bat he’d placed at the side of the door.

“Who is it?” he called, cursing that he hadn’t installed a peephole.

“It’s me.”

He let go of the bat almost immediately and threw open the door. “Rey.”

“Can I come in?” she sounded almost desperate, hands clinging to the lapel of her oversized hoodie. “Please?”

Without a word, he stepped back to let her in, and she bolted towards his bedroom. He was barely able to close the door when he heard a series of curses coming up the stairwell, followed by loud, uncoordinated footfalls.

“Come back here you fucking cunt! You owe me! You...”

A blob of a man came bounding up the stairs, wheezing as he stepped into the hallway, beer gut protruding beneath a stained white top. Spotting Kylo from the open door, he rose to a surprising height—nearly rivaling Kylo’s own—and marched towards him. “You! D’you see a lil bitch come through here?”

Unkar Plutt, Kylo thought. The landlord. He’d only seen him a few times, and he’d looked a bit more decent back then when he was showing Kylo around the apartment weeks before. Now, he was barely recognizable. “Not sure what you mean, sir.”

“My daughter, you idiot! Rey!” Plutt practically spat in his face. “I know she came by here.”

“Sir, I’ve never even met your daughter,” he managed in a tone so convincing, he actually believed it himself. “I came out ‘coz I heard you screaming.”

“Fucking cunt!” Plutt spat again, then pointed one swollen finger at Kylo. “If you see the lil bitch, tell her I’m coming for her and that she better have the money or else.”

Kylo didn’t respond. Only stared as Plutt waddled his way back to the apartment unit next to his. Once he heard the door slam, Kylo closed his own door, locking it for good measure before walking towards his bedroom, where he found Rey, peeking out from the closet.

“Is he gone?”

“Yeah, he’s gone. Back to your apartment.” He leaned against the doorjamb. “Mind explaining to me why you’re hiding from your father and this whole owing him money crap?”

“First off, he’s not my father,” Rey grumbled and stepped out of the closet, freeing her hair from the hoodie in the process. The way the brown strands fell down to frame her pretty face made Kylo squirm uncomfortably. “He’s just the man my divorced mom was stupid and high enough to marry before she OD’d trying to drown out the grief she put him in. And I told him I’d get him the money. I just needed more time.”

Kylo’s eyebrows rose incredulously. “You pay rent to your stepfather?”

“It’s more like I have to earn my keep.” She shifted on her feet. “Unkar loves his money. And I don’t get paid nearly enough at the scrap yard, so…”

“You work at a scrap yard?” Kylo asked, giving Rey a once over. “Your skinny ass, working at a scrap yard? What about school?”

Rey snorted and plopped down on Kylo’s bed. “Schools are for fools, that’s what Unkar always says. I never even made it through high school ‘coz he hated the thought of me being smarter than him. Ironic, isn’t it?”

Kylo nodded, though his mind was already elsewhere, his eyes zeroing in on the dark space between Rey’s breasts peeking out from the lowered zipper of her hoodie. He’d fantasized about having her in his bed, and now here she was, sitting on his mattress, looking delectable and innocent at the same time as she swung her legs back and forth.

He shook his head. He needed a drink.

“Hey, where are you going?” Rey called from the bedroom but he didn’t look back. Instead, he went straight to the fridge, popped out a bottle of extra strong beer and took a long swig.

“Oooh, got anymore of that?”

“Beat it, kid.” Kylo wiped his lips with the same hand he used to hold the bottle. “You may be legal, but you’re not twenty one yet.”

“Aww, come on. I’ve had beer before,” Rey protested and hurried to his side. “Besides, no one will ever know. It’s just you and me.”

“Well, your stepfather might notice, and I don’t think he’d be very nice to you if he finds out.”

“Oh, look at you, all concerned for me.” She grinned as she yanked a bottle from the fridge before taking her own swig at it. Kylo couldn’t help but notice the way she licked her lips after she had done drinking, pink tongue darting out to savor as much of the liquor as possible. “Wow, that’s pretty strong.”

“You’re impossible,” he grumbled, earning him a fit of giggles from the girl.

“So…” Rey began swaying on the balls of her feet while still drinking from her bottle, “What do you do for fun around here?”

“Nothing. I just…watch TV and drink beer.” With long strides, Kylo walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, plopping himself down on his armchair. He needed to get away from her. Needed to get away from her hazel eyes and pink lips, especially now that he was feeling a slight buzz from the beer. “I’m boring that way.”

She followed him to the living room. He could hear her walking behind his arm chair, the floorboards squeaking with every step she took. He felt rather than saw her sit on the arm rest of his chair, her pant leg grazing his fingers. “You’re not boring.”

Kylo scoffed and moved his fingers away. “How long do you plan on staying here, anyway?”

“Well…I was hoping I could crash here tonight.” Rey’s voice took on a sheepish tone, and it reflected in her expression. She took one more drink from her bottle before setting it aside. “I really don’t want to sleep in my apartment especially with you know…Unkar and all.”

“Why don’t you stay at a friend’s place?”

“You’re my friend.”

“More like an acquaintance. That doesn’t count.”

“Oh come on, Kylo. Don’t be a dick.” Rey elbowed his shoulder. When he didn’t respond, she said, “I’m the landlord’s daughter and I demand that you let me sleep in your place.”

“Stepdaughter,” he corrected.

“Whatever,” she said with a wave of a hand before turning to kneel in front of him hands clasped together in a plea. “Kylo, please, just let me stay one night. I promise I’ll be out of your hair in the morning. Please? I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

There it was again. That dark look in her eyes. She’d sounded serious, and now looked even more so. His mind immediately raced through all the scenarios he’d had in his head whenever he jerked off to a fantasy of her. And now here she was, begging him, offering.

He swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. He could ask her anything, he thought. He could ask her to strip, to spread her legs for him. He could ask her to let him fuck her. He hadn’t been with a woman since he was her age and that had been a decade ago.

Her age…

Kylo sighed. She was legal, but still too damned young. And he wasn’t about to ruin that for her. Not like it was ruined for him all those years ago. “Fine. You can stay. But only for tonight. You sleep on the couch.”

“Yipee!” Rey raised her fists up in victory, and Kylo’s lips curled up into a smirk. To his surprise, she suddenly put her hands on his knees and rose up to land a kiss on his cheek, only to have her lips land at the corner of his mouth. “Thank you, Kylo. What do you want in exchange for letting me crash?”

Kylo waved his hand and stood up from his chair, his knees suddenly weak. “Just leave in the morning. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be heading for bed.”

Rey thanked him again, and he grunted his reply before closing the bedroom door behind him.

Once alone, he lay down on the bed and freed his hard cock from the confines of his pants, the night air cool against the skin of his hot, throbbing member. He gritted his teeth as he began to once more pleasure himself at the image of Rey, his fantasies running amok at the thought that she was just a few feet away. At the thought of her lips nearly brushing his. And it was her name that was whispered on his lips upon his release. 

But once the euphoria waned and his body was sated, he felt overwhelming guilt settle at the pit of his stomach. What the fuck was he doing, beating off to a mere teenager? He was no better than the monster who’d ruined his life. No better at all.

He was a monster. A fuckin’ monster, and it was that thought which stayed with him until he fell into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had already completed this chapter for a while but I was hesitating to post it because I wanted it to be darker but was afraid of crossing some lines. But after some encouragement from a few readers, I decided to post it the way I had intended for the story to go. Please check the added tags. This fic is dark and will continue to be dark.

Kylo kept himself scarce from the neighbors and even scarcer to Rey. Or at least, he tried to. The girl seemed to have a nose for whenever he was around—always hanging around the hallway, the stairwell or the fire escape, and always sucking and licking on that goddamned jawbreaker of hers. It was far from an unpleasant image, with those luscious lips around that round surface and that pink tongue sticking out to lick the sugary layers. But with their interactions becoming more frequent, jerking off to her was making him feel guiltier with every passing day.

He tried to convince himself that this was normal, that there was nothing wrong with fantasizing about a legally adult woman whom he happened to be attracted to. And it wasn’t like he was touching her for real or anything, yet part of him still screamed out that she was a teenager, a child, and he was a monster, a fuckin’ monster for doing this, that he was becoming just like...exactly like...

Kylo winced. Fuck this shit, he thought. He needed to get laid. He needed to get this want of her out of his system but he was too proud to pay for company and too awkward to pick up women. More than once, his construction buddies had taken him to bars to look for prospects, but he always ended up scaring them away. The only woman who didn’t seem to be afraid of him was Rey…

“You alright, Kylo?”

He blinked and turned to his side. Sure enough, Rey was there, sticking her head out of her apartment door. Her recent jawbreaker had grown small enough to fit in her mouth, the roundness protruding from her cheek, searing another mental image in Kylo’s brain that made him tighten his fingers around his keys.

Thankfully, she took out the candy from her mouth. “You’ve been standing there, all zoned out. What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you eat anything besides that thing?” Kylo nodded towards the jawbreaker, his frown deepening when he saw her put the thing in the foil again. “Still planning on finishing it later, huh?”

“I like to finish what I started.” Rey grinned, pocketing the foil in her oversized hoodie. “Watcha got there?”

“Ingredients for pasta and stuff.” He inserted the key in the knob and opened the door.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

He raised his head to look at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Rather, she was looking at the bag of groceries in his arms.

He moved his gaze over her sunken cheeks, the prominent collarbones sticking out from the hoodie. He knew he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t, and yet he opened his mouth anyway and said, “D’you wanna come over for dinner?”

She beamed a smile his way, a smile so bright that he actually winced, and that’s how he found himself in his small kitchen, giving her what he would later find out was her first lesson in cooking.

* * *

 

One dinner. It was supposed to be just one dinner. And yet here he was, preparing for what would be a week long of consecutive dinners together. It had gotten to the point wherein he wouldn’t even have to invite her in anymore. Most times she would just show up in his bedroom, grinning like an idiot as she entered his window through the fire escape.

That night found them in the kitchen table once more, sharing a round of drinks over pot roast. He knew he wasn’t supposed to let her drink, let alone this much but she had been insistent, and now she was talking animatedly about her job in the scrap yard but Kylo could barely focus. Between the several bottles of beer he had consumed and the nearness of her, it was all he could do just to keep his hands to himself.

“You won’t believe the stuff people throw out.” Rey took a long swig of the bottle, followed by a loud sigh. “I was even able to build my own computer from scraps I found.”

“Really?” Kylo said, drinking from his own bottle. He was genuinely impressed. “D’you enjoy it? Working in the scrap yard I mean?”

Rey shrugged. “Not like I have any other prospects. Like I told you before, I wasn’t able to finish school.”

“Neither did I.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

Kylo found himself biting his lower lip. He could tell her, he thought. He could tell her he did time, but then one question would lead to another and he didn’t want to scare her. That was the last thing he needed.

“Long story, kid,” he said with a swallow. “But like you, I didn’t have many prospects. Good thing I was qualified for construction work.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Rey giggled and reached out to squeeze his bicep. “I bet you’re as strong as you look.”

Kylo tried not to squirm in his seat. He had to play it cool, but it was hard especially since Rey wouldn’t stop touching his arm. But most of all, she wouldn’t stop looking at him in a way that could only be described as…hungry.

He shook his head. No, he was imagining things. He was drunk. And getting hornier by the minute. That Rey was being touchy feely wasn’t helping.

“I like your nose,” Rey suddenly said, making Kylo turn to her, and she took the opportunity to bop his nose with a finger. “It fits so well with the rest of your face.”

“Yeah? Most people would just call it a big honker,” Kylo forced out a chuckle, gently brushing away her hand hoping she would stop but instead she turned her attention to his hair, running her fingers through it.

“And you’re hair is so nice,” she cooed and laughed. “I wish my hair was as soft and smooth.”

Kylo tightened his lips. Rey, he noticed, wasn’t faring any better in terms of holding in her liquor. Her laughter was boisterous, her words slurred, her eyes droopy, and her actions….

He took another sip from his bottle. He tried to tell himself she was just being friendly, that she was as drunk, probably more drunk than he was but the way she was touching him was sending flames coursing through his veins. The touches were just innocent, he told himself. There was no meaning to the way she ran her fingers through his scalp, no meaning in the way she was looking at him, and definitely no meaning to the way she ran her hand down his shoulder, to his arm before settling on his knee, squeezing it.

This was just a girl being an overly friendly drunk, he thought. It had to be. Otherwise, he would go insane.

“Careful,” Kylo chided, his words slurred as he swatted her hand away from his thigh. “Move your hand any higher and I’d charge you for harassment.”

“Harassment?” Rey threw her head back in laughter. “Dude, I haven’t even begun to harass you.” She was quiet for a moment, then added, “D’you want me to?”

The way she said it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Gone was the mirthful tone she’d used earlier. Not only did she sound serious, she sounded…flirty.

“Kid, that shit ain’t funny.” Kylo gave her a pointed look, and it was all he could do to keep a straight face as she leaned towards him. When did the zipper of her hoodie go down even lower? “Continue acting like that and you could get in trouble with the wrong people.”

Rey took another long drink from her bottle, draining it down to the last drop before setting it aside. Already, her cheeks were bright pink. “Well…you’re not exactly…the wrong people…are you, Mr. Kylo Ren?”

“Kid, you’ve got no idea who you’re dealing with,” Kylo said through gritted teeth.

Rey’s face scrunched up in annoyance. “I’m not…a kid. Why’d’you always…call me that?”

“Because you act like it.”

“Want me to…show you…that I’m not?”

Kylo’s eyes widened. The intent in her voice was clear, but before he could open his mouth to speak, Rey stood up, unzipped her hoodie and dropped it to the floor.

Kylo’s mouth went dry. He’d suspected it, but now had confirmation.

She wore nothing underneath the hoodie save for her pants.

He swallowed. “Rey…”

“Touch…me…” she reached for his hand. “Touch me, Kylo…please…touch…”

She fell then, tripping over her feet and would’ve landed flat on the floor had Kylo not broken her fall.

“Fuck!” he cursed as he sat up, Rey still in his arms. “You alright, kid?”

No response. He gave her a light tap on the cheek but still nothing, except for a small snore.

Rey was out like a light.

“Fuckin’ lightweight,” Kylo mumbled as he carried her to the couch and laid her down before standing over her, his gaze moving from her flushed, sleeping face, to her breasts, pink nipples high in the air with each of her breaths.

He licked his lips, blood rushing at the thought of what he could do. Oh the things he could do especially now that she was finally here, on his couch, half-naked and wanting his touch, never mind that she was unconscious.

He unzipped his pants. She wouldn’t mind, he thought. She’d tried to seduce him, yes. So she’d wanted this. She’d want him to do this.

Freeing his cock, Kylo straddled Rey’s prone body and began to pleasure himself, his eyes feasting on her face, her graceful neck, her pert breasts. Part of him screamed for him to stop, asking what the fuck was he doing but it was drowned out by the voice that made excuse after excuse. She’d wanted this. Begged for it even. And it wasn’t like he was going to touch her. He was just going to beat off to her as she lay beneath him, helpless and unconscious, imagining what it would be like to just pull down her pants and underwear and slide himself in between her folds.

He stroked himself even faster, his breaths becoming more ragged as he imagined himself thrusting into her wet, slippery cunt, so close beneath him yet so far from his reach. He imagined her wrapping his legs around his waist, digging her feet into the curve of his ass as she clung to him, screaming his name as he thrust into her again and again.

One more tug and he came hard, a guttural cry on his lips as ribbons of white spurted from him, landing on Rey’s breasts and stomach. It was an erotic sight to behold…and a horrifying one.

Kylo’s eyes widened, his hands flying to his hair as he stepped back from the couch. What the fuck had he done? He’d just…violated this young girl! Betrayed her trust and took advantage of her!

_Just like what had been done to him all those years ago._

He’d just become the very monster that had devoured the young Ben Solo all those years ago.

Fighting the onslaught of tears, he took off his shirt and used it to wipe Rey down, removing every single trace of his betrayal before covering her with her hoodie and marching off to his room, slamming the door shut in the process.

Sleep would be a hard won prize that night, and when it came, it was filled with nightmares of a young boy, and a figure looming over him, whispering sweet nothings, empty promises and dark secrets; of dark rooms and hushed tones and of innocence so ruthlessly taken. Over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I hope I didn't lose any readers with this chapter. As for the next update, I'm working on it but I'm not sure if I'll be posting before or after The Last Jedi premieres in my country on the 13th. As Snoke would say, "We shall see...."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys! Hope you enjoy this update!

Rey woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. Groaning, she sat up and stretched, only to find her hoodie sliding down her naked torso.

That was when she remembered.

Horrified, she quickly put her hoodie on, zipped up and headed for the kitchen, where she found Kylo hunched over the stove. “Kylo?”

“Mornin’,” Kylo said without looking at her. “Coffee’s in the pot if you want some.”

 She stepped into the kitchen, growing even more embarrassed as her mind cleared enough for her to recall what had happened. “Listen…about last night…”

“Forget about it,” Kylo said, still not looking at her. “You were drunk off your ass. I wish I’d known you were such a lightweight, otherwise I wouldn’t have let you drink that much.”

“Yeah.” She hung her head low. “Kylo…I’m sorry. I don’t…I don’t usually act like that.”

“I should hope not.” This time, Kylo did turn, frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. But he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Young girl like you shouldn’t be acting like that towards strangers.”

“I don’t think of you as a stranger,” Rey said softly, a blush creeping up her cheeks when she added, “In fact, I feel like I’ve known you most of my life.”

“Don’t go all mushy on me just ‘coz I’m serving you breakfast,” Kylo chuckled as he set the bacon and eggs on two separate plates before pulling a chair for Rey.

She paused for a moment before sitting down with a smile. She had meant what she had said. She really did feel like she knew him most of her life, but she couldn’t tell him why.

Not yet.

* * *

 

Rey spent the morning with Kylo before heading off to the scrap yard to work. There was a spring in her steps that hadn’t been there in a long time, and her co-workers were quick to notice.

“You seem chipper today Rey,” said a fellow scrap yard worker. “Anything good happen?”

“I just had a good breakfast, that’s all.” Rey grinned as she sorted out the pile of scraps before her.

The day went on as usual. Tiring, to be sure, but the smile on her face wouldn’t go away, especially when she thought of how she’d be having dinner with Kylo again. She wondered, with a blush, if they were going to drink together again. And if they were, then maybe…

She shook her head and punched out of work before hurrying to her bike and heading back to Niima Apartments. She’d go on about the rest of her day as usual too—serving Unkar his usual beer and sandwiches before locking herself up in her room then going into Kylo’s room through the fire escape. There, she’d wait for him to come home and the rest of the evening will be the highlight of her day.

Tonight however, she intended for things to be different between them. For one thing, she wasn’t going to drink herself into a stupor, but she was going to drink just enough to loosen herself up. Then she’d wait for Kylo to loosen up. And then…and then…

She stifled a giggle and parked her bike in her usual spot at the thin tree in front of the apartment, chaining it for good measure. Not like anyone was going to steal her beat up old bike, but she’d made it herself from scraps in the scrap yard so it had some sentimental value. Plus it was really the only ride she had.

Her mind full of thoughts on what lay in the evening ahead, she hurried to the elevator, hit the button for the seventh floor and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited to be taken to the apartment unit she shared with her stepfather. Once there, she entered the unit, barely glancing at Unkar, who sat in his usual spot in front of the TV, before hurrying to the kitchen to make him a couple of ham sandwiches. She was done in no time, and she walked over to the living room, putting the plate down on the coffee table in front of Unkar along with a bottle of beer.

Most nights Unkar wouldn’t even glance at her and just scarf down his sandwich. Most nights he wouldn’t even look at her or say a word to her.

But that night…that night was different. And at the same time no different from past nights of years past. She should have known nothing would change. That joy was something fleeting.

That pain and suffering were everything she would ever know in her short life.

* * *

 

Kylo lay in bed, his hands behind his head, his gaze moving from the ceiling to the open window which led to the fire escape. Two weeks. Two long weeks had passed since that drunken night. Two long weeks since he’d last seen Rey, and it ate away at him more than he could have imagined it would. Why, after hounding him for so long, did she suddenly disappear on him like this? Could it be that she was actually conscious when he…when he took advantage of her? Was that why she had been avoiding him?

He cursed at himself and turned to his side. So many questions, but no answers. He couldn’t very well reach out to her via call or text. He’d never thought to ask for her number and he cursed himself again for that.

After a few more minutes of contemplating, he finally came to the conclusion that enough was enough. He had to get her out of his system somehow, and the only way to do that was to get laid. It had to be the way. He was just sexually frustrated, that was all, and those frustrations simply focused on the first woman he interacted with, which was Rey.

With a sigh, he stood up from bed, changed into a black shirt and a pair of pants, grabbed his car keys and headed out the door, but not before stopping to stare at the unit next to his. As usual, the TV in there was on loud enough to be heard from the hallway, and Kylo wondered if Rey was there with Unkar Plutt, watching the evening news, not even giving a single fuck about what her absence was doing to him…

He shook his head and headed for the elevator, tapping his feet impatiently as he headed to the ground floor and out of the apartment and into the parking lot.

His car was a beat up old Buick that he’d gotten for a bargain from a used car dealer. It was nothing like the Pontiac his parents had given him when he was sixteen, but it was all he could afford. He’d refused any financial help his parents had tried to press on him. Refused to let them ease any guilt they may have felt for everything they had done, and for everything they hadn’t. Besides, the last thing he wanted, and he was sure the last thing his businessman father and politician mother needed was him coming back into their lives.

Their son, the ex-convict.

Their son, the murderer.

Clearing his head of unpleasant memories, he stepped inside his car and took off slowly into the streets. He wondered, as he made a turn, if he could manage to land a woman at the bar without scaring her away. He was completely out of practice, he knew, but he would have to start somewhere.

Then, he saw it. A flash of gray under a street lamp. He recognized the hoodie, and almost immediately, his foot hit the brakes and he leaned over to the window. “Rey?”

Rey jumped with a start. “K-Kylo! W-What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing.” He turned off the engine and stepped on to the curb with her. Already, he could feel his senses firing at the nearness of her, at the memory of what had taken place all those weeks ago. Yet at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. He wanted to ask her where she’d been, and especially why she was avoiding him but the answers terrified him. And so instead, he asked, “Where are you off to?”

“I…” Rey dropped her gaze to her scuffed sneakers. “There’s somewhere I need to go.”

“Where?”

“Somewhere.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms across his chest. Her gaze was still on the ground. She looked like a lost little girl, and he felt his heart soften. “Want me to take you to this somewhere?”

“N-No.” She shook her head, this time looking at him with a determined expression. “I’ll be fine.”

“Where’s your bike?” he asked, suddenly feeling the need to prolong the conversation. “I would’ve thought you’d be going somewhere with it.”

“It’s…it’s busted. I haven’t had the chance to get it fixed yet.”

“And you’re just going to hoof it?” Kylo let out an exasperated sigh. “Look. Let me give you a ride. It’s the least I could do after…” After what? He thought. After he’d violated her in her sleep? Guilt ate away at him again, and he had to clear his throat before continuing. “It’s the least I could do. As a friend.”

“I’ll be fine, Kylo.” Rey tried to smile, but it was strained. “I appreciate it though. Thanks.”

“Look here, Rey.” Kylo’s tone of voice took on an edge he could no longer hold back. “If you’re hell-bent on avoiding me, then fine. At the very least, I deserve to know why.”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Not avoiding me?” He clenched his teeth. “Two weeks, Rey. You haven’t shown up in two weeks. Was it…something I did?”

He held his breath and waited. Waited for her to say yes, it was. You did something. You beat off on me while I was asleep. You came on me. You violated me. He waited for her to say all these things and more, but she shook her head no.

“You didn’t do anything,” she said with a strained smile. “In fact, you’ve been a real gentleman.”

He sucked in a breath. She wasn’t being sarcastic. She was sincere, and though he was relieved she didn’t remember what he had done, his conscience weighed heavily on him.

“Kylo, I need to go.”

Rey’s words jarred him from his musings. She began to back away, but his hand shot out to grab hers before he could stop himself.

“Let me drive you,” he said softly, but kept a firm grip on her wrist. “Please.”

A moment of silence passed between them. He could see Rey contemplating, her eyes on where his hand held hers.

Finally, she whispered her destination, and Kylo felt the color drain from his face.

“Planned Parenthood?” he repeated with a swallow. The thought of Rey being sexually active shouldn’t come as a surprise to him especially after the way she had tried to seduce him, but it left him bothered all the same. “Look. If you’re just going to get some birth control pills, I can drive you to the nearest pharmacy. Planned Parenthood is on the other side of town.”

“I’m not going there for birth control pills.”

“Oh? Then how come…” he trailed off and looked into her eyes. Hazel eyes that turned glassier by the minute, and when it dawned on him, he began to feel sick. “Are you…”

“I don’t know.” Rey looked like she was about to cry. “That’s why I need to go. I need to find out.”

“Are you late?”

She nodded, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. “Kylo…I’m scared.”

“Shhh.” Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms. She was so small, she tucked neatly beneath his chin. “It’s going to be fine. Come on. I’ll take you there.”

* * *

 

The ride to the center was quiet, punctuated only with Rey giving better directions to their destination. It ate away at Kylo that she knew the route well, as though it wasn’t the first time she had gone.

“Weren’t you on birth control pills before this?” Kylo ventured, then bit his tongue. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked that, but Rey answered him nonetheless.

“I was. But I ran out.  Didn’t have the money to buy more. Unkar…he took all my money as he always does.”

“He did?” Kylo found himself gripping the steering wheel tightly, and he began to mentally calculate how much money he still had in the bank. “How are you going to pay for…for whatever it is you need to have done?” He didn’t want to say _abortion_. He’d rather not think of Rey being pregnant.

Especially with someone else’s baby.

Kylo cleared his throat, almost choking on his own thoughts.

“I have enough money for a check up,” Rey informed quietly, “but for the procedure…I’ll find a way if I ever need it.”

“You should have been more careful,” Kylo said through gritted teeth. He wanted to be gentler in his statement. Heck, he hadn’t wanted to say that at all but he was disappointed in Rey. And inexplicably hurt.

“I know,” was all Rey said, and Kylo turned to see her looking out the window, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

They continued the rest of the ride in silence until they arrived at the center, at which point Rey practically jumped out of the car and hurried inside. Kylo followed suit.

What followed next was almost an hour of waiting for Kylo: from waiting for Rey’s turn to her going inside one of the rooms for the check up. It was an agonizing wait, but once Rey emerged, all of his fears flew out the window.

She was beaming.

“Oh Kylo!” To his surprise, she ran straight into his arms and gave him the biggest hug he’d ever received.

“I…take it you’re going to be alright?” he ventured hopefully.

She nodded against his shirt. “I’m not pregnant. My cycle is just out of whack.”

Relief washing over him, Kylo couldn’t help but hug Rey back.

“You have to take better care of your girlfriend,” a voice rang from beside them, and Kylo let go of Rey to see a stern-faced doctor, who handed over a packet of pills and a prescription. “Have her take these as prescribed. Hopefully that will avoid another mishap like last time.”

 _"Like last time?"_ Kylo thought. So…this really _wasn’t_ Rey’s first time here. And when he turned to look at her, he saw that she had hung her head low as if in shame.

“Let’s go home.” Kylo made a show of putting an arm over Rey’s shoulders, not bothering to correct the doctor as to the nature of their relationship.

“I don’t…really feel like going home,” Rey spoke in a small voice. “Can I stay at your place tonight?”

Kylo didn’t answer. But he tightened his grip on her shoulder and made sure she saw him nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I going there? Or did I already go there? You decide. We'll find out more in the next chapters. Thank you readers for keeping tabs on this fic despite the late updates. I don't know when the next update will be but hopefully I'll have it soon. Things will still get darker as we unravel secrets and hopefully there'll be smexy times ahead. After all, Rey's staying the night again. Something's bound to happen....right? We shall see.
> 
> PS  
> I have no idea about Planned Parenthood beyond what I have researched (we don't have that in my country) so forgive me if I made some assumptions as to certain parts like the services and the clinic hours. Let's suspend belief for the sake of fiction please hehe


	5. Chapter 5

“Isn’t Plutt going to come looking for you?” Kylo asked as they walked past Plutt’s apartment unit. He could still hear the TV blaring from inside, and Rey turned to him with wide eyes, a finger to her lips.

“He had a few extra beers before I left,” she informed in a hushed tone. “More likely he’s passed out on the couch. It’s happened before. He won’t wake up til late tomorrow.”

Kylo looked up from sticking the keys into his door knob. “So he has no idea where you went off to?”

“No. And it’s best that he didn’t know,” Rey waited for Kylo to open the door, after which she bolted inside and plopped down sideways on to the couch, stretching her limbs as she did, a contented sigh on her lips. She looked like she belonged here, Kylo thought, but quickly pushed the notion from his head.

“Dinner?” he asked. She instantly beamed up at him, and he felt his heart skipping beats.

“Yes please. I’m starving.”

* * *

 

They had macaroni and cheese for dinner. It was the quickest meal Kylo could whip up on such short notice. He also brought out a couple of bottles of beer. Just a couple. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened before, though when Rey took off her hoodie to reveal a white camisole (and clearly braless), he almost wished they’d get drunk again. Almost.

He turned away and took another sip of his beer. He could see her nipples poking through her camisole, and despite himself, his mind went back to that one night two weeks prior, when she had bared herself to him and begged him to touch her. But no, he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. Rey had just been through quite an ordeal—an ordeal which stemmed from doing the things he was imagining doing to her. No, no, he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t put her through all that again. Unless he took precautions…

“What are you thinking of?”

“Huh?” Kylo turned to Rey, who had already nursed half her bottle of beer, a quizzical expression on her face. “I was…just thinking how maybe you and your boyfriend should be more careful. These things do happen you know.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Rey mumbled into the lip of her bottle before downing it again.

Kylo raised an eyebrow. If she didn’t have a boyfriend then…casual partners? He squirmed in his seat, not really comfortable with the thought of Rey sleeping around. But should he really be that surprised? She did try to proposition him when they first met after all, and a few more times after that…

“All the more reason for you to be careful,” he said, pointing at her with his bottle. “You’re young, Rey, and I know it may all be fun and games to you but—”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rey interrupted, and Kylo looked up to see her cheeks aflame. If it was the beer or something else, he wasn’t sure, but there was certainly a sharpness in her voice that he could not ignore.

“Don’t I?” Kylo scoffed. “I was teenager once too. I know what it’s like when hormones are raging. You don’t really think of the consequences—”

“Can we not have this conversation right now?” Rey held up a hand, annoyance lacing her every word. “I really could do without the lecture.”

“Okay, okay.” Kylo’s lips tightened into a fine line, his fingers curling around his bottle of beer. He’d never seen Rey so snappish before. “I’m just looking out for you, that’s all. But your sex life, off limits. Got it.”

Rey said nothing, and simply played with her bottle for a little while, making it do a little jig on the table before she downed it again, draining it to the bottom. She sighed. “Got any more beer?”

“That’s enough beer for tonight,” Kylo swiped the bottle from her hands before heading to the trash can to dump both empty bottles. “Can’t have you drunk off your ass again.”

He turned and saw Rey blush before looking away. “Right.”

Kylo remained quiet for a moment as he studied her profile. She was a looker this one, and he suddenly grew envious of the boys that had been lucky enough to spend the night with her. The most he’d gotten with her were a couple of sleepovers plus this one, as well as a botched (her botched) attempt at seduction.

But beyond her looks, there was…more. She could talk his ear off and he would never tire of her. There was also something in the way she smiled and laughed, even…especially in the way she flirted. Child-like and worldly at the same time.

But she was sullen now, and he wondered what exactly he could have done differently. Said differently. Either way, it didn’t look like she was up for conversation.

“Let me get you a blanket and a pillow,” Kylo announced, suddenly feeling the need to get away from her, even for a little while. She was stirring too much warm feelings within him.

He started to make a move towards the bedroom when Rey suddenly stood up from her chair. “Kylo.”

He stopped to regard her as she walked over to him. To his surprise, she stood on her toes and planted a kiss to his cheek, the sensation of her lips lingering long after she had backed away. “Thank you. For looking out for me.”

It took a moment for Kylo to speak, and when he did, his voice was low. “You really should stop doing that.”

“Stop doing what?”

“Kissing me.”

It was Rey’s turn to be quiet, and Kylo’s eyes searched the depths of her eyes—those beautiful pair of eyes that were neither gold nor green, which had been haunting him ever since he first saw them. He watched as her pupils dilated, watched as her lips parted to suck in a ragged breath, and watched as her delicate neck bobbed with her swallow.

Then, she whispered, “What if I don’t want to stop?”

Kylo wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but the next thing he knew, he and Rey were wrapped up in each other’s arms, lips meeting in a fevered kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys, for staying with me as I explore the dark themes of this fic. Of course, we can't have darkness without light so I put in here a bit of light moment between the two. They finally kissed! Well, we all know where this is headed. Stay tuned for future updates and thanks again for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

It must have been her eyes—those damned gorgeous eyes that made him weak in the knees, or the breathless way in which she had whispered to him. Regardless of what caused it, they were now tangled up in each other’s arms, lips desperately pressing against the other as though anything less would leave them starved.

“We shouldn’t…be doing…this,” Kylo murmured between kisses. “We should…stop…”

“Shut up.”

Another kiss. And another. Each one deeper than the next. Kylo couldn’t remember the last time he’d been kissed so torridly, or if he’d been kissed like this at all. There was nothing soft about it—only carnal. And hungry.

Tongues tangling, he moved to lift her up, and Rey responded by practically leaping into his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, fingers raking through his dark hair. They continued to kiss and moan into each other’s mouths as Kylo shuffled backwards until the back of his calves hit the couch, and he plopped down, Rey now straddling his thighs.

She began gyrating her hips to his in search of friction, and Kylo threw his head back in a moan. He tried to think of how wrong this was—how she was just a young girl of eighteen—a decade his junior—and how she had just been through an ordeal but all coherent thought flew out the window when her lips trailed down the side of his face, landing on the hollow of his throat.

“R-Rey…are you…sure about this?” he managed to croak out, even as he began bucking his hips in time with hers. He hissed when she bit on the side of his neck and began suckling. That was going to leave a mark.

“I want you…” she said breathlessly, and began pulling off his black shirt, tossing it aside before kissing him again. “I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you…”

Kylo growled. That did it. He was undone, and his fingers found their way to the edge of Rey’s camisole, pulling it up and freeing her breasts to his attention. He immediately latched on to a nipple, groaning at the feel of it against his tongue, one hand tending to the other breast, pinching and pulling with his thumb and index finger while his other hand grabbed her ass to pull her ever closer to him.

They stayed that way for a while, moving their hips against each other, heads angling in time with fevered kisses before impatience took hold, and Kylo broke the kiss so he could unzip her jeans and slip his hand inside her panties.

She half-moaned, half-panted when his fingers found her clit. She was soaking wet, and he could feel his cock straining against his jeans.

He began rubbing at her sensitive nub, not quite sure if he was doing it right and judging his movements by the way she moaned and the way her face contorted in abject pleasure. For her part, Rey moved against his digits, chasing the delicious friction that it provided until they both found their rhythm.

All the while, Kylo stared at Rey’s flushed face through his ministrations. She was so small in his arms, looked so young that the guilt bubbled up to the surface again, but no. She wanted this. Wanted _him_. And this time, he couldn’t blame it on the drink. She really wanted him. Had wanted him since day one. And it brought such a high to him, that she could want someone like him so much that for the once in his life, he stopped thinking of himself as a monster.

No, he wasn’t a monster. She was legal, and she wanted this just as much as he did, and that made all the difference. This wasn’t like those nights of years past, where physical intimacy was unwanted but forced upon him. Over and over…

He shook his head and buried his face at the nook of Rey’s neck, biting into her skin and suckling it. No, he would not be swayed by those memories. Not tonight. He’d waited for this for far too long.

To his surprise, Rey pulled his hand out of her panties and climbed off him, trailing kisses down his neck, his chest, his abs before unzipping his pants and freeing his hard cock from the confines of his boxer shorts.

Then, for the first time in so many years, Kylo felt lips around his cock.

He felt his whole body seize as pleasure and horror coursed through him at the same time, and he was suddenly fifteen again, and looking down in terror as a bald head brought him to an unwanted bliss.

_“This is going to feel so good.”_

_“It’s our little secret. Just you and me…”_

_“Relax, Benny boy. You’re going to enjoy this, I promise.”_

_“Benny boy…”_

_“Benny boy…”_

_“Ben…”_

_“Ben…”_

“NO!” He pushed Rey off him, harder than he had intended, and she landed on the floor, stunned. He gasped, horrified at what he had done but he couldn’t shake off the feeling…the memories from so long ago, and he found himself zipping up his pants and striding towards his bedroom, slamming the door shut in the process. He sat heavily at the edge of his bed and buried his head in his hands, dark hair falling over his face.

This was it, he thought bitterly. He fucked it up. Fucked everything up. He could never be with anyone. Not with Rey, not with anyone. He was too fucked up in the head. How could he even think for a second that he would be free of this pain? He was warped. Sullied. Used. He didn’t deserve anyone, least of all someone like Rey. Sweet, naïve Rey, who couldn’t see him for the abomination that he was.

Soft knocks rang from his door. “Kylo?”

“Go away, Rey,” he called, still not removing his head form his hands.

He wasn’t at all surprised when the door opened anyway, and Rey let herself in.

He didn’t move. Barely even breathed as he heard rather than saw her move towards the bed and sit down beside him. She gently touched his shoulder and he visibly flinched.

It was a while before either of them spoke, and when Rey did, Kylo felt his heart almost stop. “It’s about Snoke, isn’t it?”

He spun his head towards her, eyes wide in shock. “H-how did you…”

“It was a famous case,” Rey tightened her lips, fingers moving from his shoulder to his hair, combing it away from his face. “Powerful politician in Hosnian Prime City accused of molesting teenage boys. And he got away with it…and would’ve continued to get away with it had you not done something about it.”

Kylo swallowed. “So…you know? You know who I am and that…I killed a man?”

“He wasn’t a man...” Rey shook her head, her face now hard with anger. “He was a monster for what he did to you and the others. He didn’t deserve to live.”

Kylo sucked in a breath and looked away, still unable to process all that Rey was revealing to him. “So…you had always known who I am?”

“Always…Ben.”

He looked at her again, shaken. The last people to call him by that name had only brought him pain—his mother, who had initially refused to believe when he started telling her about the inappropriate advances of her political ally; his father, who was barely around because of work; and Snoke—who had used his name, called it, moaned it during those secret nights when he’d held him, threatened him and his mother’s position if he didn’t comply.

Ben…Ben Solo was dead, yet in her lips…through Rey’s lips, through her eyes he felt alive.

She cupped his face then, and he leaned into the warmth of her palms.

“You were my childhood hero, Ben. I’ve followed your case for years—your trial, your incarceration—learned everything I could about you from the news. And if only I were as brave as you then maybe things could’ve been different for me…”

She trailed off, and there was a flash of hurt in her face that wasn’t lost on Kylo. It took several moments, but the more time passed, the more he came to a horrible realization.

“Plutt,” he said simply, and after a time, she nodded. “Does he still…”

She didn’t have to answer. Their trip to Planned Parenthood said it all, and he rose to his feet and started for the door but Rey stopped him by grabbing on to his arm.

“Ben, don’t.”

“And why the hell not?” He spun around to meet her eyes—eyes so full of pain and anguish while his, he knew, were filled with fury. “He… _hurt_ you. He’s _still_ hurting you.”

“I don’t want him to hurt _you_ ,” she said insistently. “Please, Ben. I can’t…lose you.”

Kylo looked at her then, really looked at her, and realized just how much story there was behind her sad eyes, how much broken she was…

Just like him.

In her eyes, he saw his own reflection, and his hot rage settled down with his breaths.

Gazes still locked on each other, he allowed Rey to lead him to bed, where they soon lay in each other’s arms. They were both still half-naked, but sex was the furthest from Kylo’s mind as he let Rey hold him, caress him and kiss his temples.

Then, they began whispering and confessing their sordid tales—of years of grooming, manipulation and threats, of being trapped and unable to escape the cycle. They spoke of loneliness and abandonment, of fear and depression, and Kylo came to realize just how alike they were—two broken people trying to pick up the remaining pieces of their miserable existence.

Once words left them, Kylo held Rey tighter in his arms, inhaling the scent of her hair and feeling the contours of her body against his. A companionable silence stretched between them until Rey moved up to kiss him.

This time, there was no urgency. Only a swelling of feeling as they kissed softly, gently, lips gliding one on top of the other before they opened their mouths to welcome each other’s tongues.

Once the kiss was over, Kylo moved back so he could stare at Rey’s face and run his hand down her cheek. She smiled shyly in response and snuggled against him, and it was in that moment that he decided he was going to protect this girl.

One way or another, he was going to get her out of this hellhole and into a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we know why Rey had been so drawn to Kylo. The dark secrets are now out. What would Kylo do? And don't think for a second that the night is over ;) I still have plans.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much guys for the amazing feedback! Comments feed this fic so I'm very grateful. Feel free to say hi to me in tumblr: http://gwendy85.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update guys. I just recently started a new job which pulled all my attention away. Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait. I don't know when the next update will be but I hope it will be soon. Thanks for sticking around to find out what will happen next to our poor babies :) Now to give them a little sweetness in life!

Kylo woke up to Rey’s soft whimpers beside him. Without moving, he glanced at the wall clock and saw it was half past two in the morning. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, and he would’ve gone back to sleep had Rey’s whimpers not continued.

He glanced at her and saw that she had her back towards him, still only in her jeans. Except he could see that her jeans were lowered somewhat, exposing the back of her cotton panties. And there was something in her whimpers…no, moans…and the way she was moving her arm that sent his blood rushing to places.

Rey, he realized, was touching herself.

He felt his face grow hot and his cock stiffen. He didn’t think anything could be hotter than waking up to a woman pleasuring herself beside him, but when she moaned out his name, he almost lost it.

Ever so gently, he put a hand on her shoulder, and she froze.

“Ben.” She took her hand away from her panties and turned to face him. From the lamplight, he could see her cheeks redden in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

He grunted his response and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I guess we did leave things a little unfinished last night, didn’t we?”

Rey said nothing; only turned her face away in apparent shame.

“Hey.” Kylo moved to cup her face in his hands, making her look at him. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” He smiled impishly. “In fact, I thought it was rather hot waking up to that.”

She smiled back at him and ducked her head shyly, and it was so endearing to him that he couldn’t help but pull her face to his so he could kiss her fully on the mouth.

The kiss was chaste at first, and Kylo simply enjoyed the feel of lips on lips, of breath on breath. But very quickly, the kiss deepened, and he met her tongue for tongue as his hands roamed the expanse of her back, tracing his fingers up and down her spine which made her shiver in response.

 “Ben…Ben…”

The name had never sounded sweeter than in Rey’s lips, reddened and swollen from his attentions. He moved on top of her and trailed wet kisses down her neck, tracing her clavicle with his tongue before he lowered his mouth onto her breast while kneading the other. God, he loved the feel of her breast in his mouth and palm. He may have once thought they were a little small, but he found now that he liked them that way.

With his mouth and hand still tending to her breasts, he moved his free hand down her body and slipped it inside her jeans, thrilled to find that she was so deliciously wet, and he felt around until he found her clit.

Rey arched her back when he began rubbing her sensitive nub, moaning his birth name as she did. He could never get enough of it, her calling him Ben like that, and so he didn’t stop flicking and swirling her with his fingers until he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to taste her.

He lavished a few more kisses upon her breasts before slowly trailing his lips lower until he was removing her jeans and underwear and moving his lips from her ankles, to her knees and up her legs before finally diving his tongue to her pussy.

“Oh, God.” Rey shuddered, and Kylo grinned as he continued to lick her clit, lapping up her juices while inserting a finger into her, thrusting the digit in and out of her slippery folds. He wanted her to feel good. Wanted her to be ready and begging for him once he was done. He wouldn’t rush things like he did ten years ago, when he took home some random girl to prove himself a man. No, he was going to take his time with Rey, feel and taste every sweet part of her until he had memorized her every line, her every curve.

He fluttered his tongue against her clit and he felt a shudder wrack through her body. He smiled around her mound and continued with his intimate kisses, groaning when he felt Rey grab fistfuls of his hair, encouraging him, pleading him to do more, and so he inserted another finger, feeling around until he found a spot that made her buck her hips.

Then, he felt her insides begin to flutter around his fingers, and he just knew she was close, and so he didn’t dare stop licking, didn’t dare stop moving his digits in and out of her until she came undone, the warmth of her flesh clamping and fluttering around his fingers as she called out his name over and over.

“Ben…Oh, Ben!”

He pulled out his fingers, momentarily fascinated by the glint her juices made on his skin. He then put his wet fingers in his mouth, licking them clean. “You taste wonderful.”

He stared at Rey then, and found a blush creep up her cheeks as he crawled up to kiss her, a thrill rushing through him at the thought that he was making her taste herself through his lips.

“Ben…?”

“Mmhmm?”

“I…I want to suck you.”

Kylo grew still, and he pulled back to look at her face. He wanted to say she’d tried that. That it hadn’t worked out well earlier but something in the way she said it…the husky and _needy_ way she said it made him want to reconsider.

“I-I’m sorry,” Rey said when he remained silent. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Kylo said softly. “It’s just…bad memories.”

“I know, Ben. I know.” Rey cupped his face then, her palms radiating warmth across his cheeks. “I have bad memories too but I…I want to erase them and start fresh. With you.”

Kylo felt his heart beat fast, and he realized he hadn’t even asked Rey if it was okay to do the things he did, if anything would trigger her. And yet she’d let him, and he found that so brave of her, that she would want to do it with him especially after all she’d been through.

After a time, he nodded and kissed her. “Okay, Rey.”

She beamed that achingly beautiful smile of hers and gently flipped him over, and he watched as she dragged his pants and boxer shorts away from his legs until he was fully exposed. He wasn’t as erect as he wanted to be, but he knew that would soon change especially with the way Rey was holding and caressing his cock as though it were a thing most precious.

“Don’t be afraid, Ben…” she whispered, and he tried not to be. For her sake and for his own, he wanted not to be afraid but the memories would not abate, and he found himself curling his fists on the mattress when he felt her breath against the head of his cock.

“Ben, look at me.”

He opened his eyes to look down at her. He hadn’t even realized he had shut his eyes.

“Look at me while I do this,” she said breathlessly as she curled and moved her fingers up and down his shaft, and oh, it felt so good to be touched like that. To be touched by _her_. “It’s me, Ben. It’s just Rey.”

Without breaking eye contact, Rey opened her mouth and sucked him in. A moment of panic set in, and Rey must’ve sensed it because she stopped sucking and gave his cock a gentle kiss. “It’s just me, Ben. It’s Rey. Remember that. It’s just me…”

She continued to murmur against him, plying kisses along his shaft and down his balls until he felt himself relax, and he gazed down at her as she moved to take him in her mouth once more.

It must’ve been the way she was looking at him, or the way she had whispered to him until he calmed down, but for the first time in his whole life, Kylo felt only pleasure; no horror, no guilt; just pleasure at the sight of Rey’s lips moving up and down his cock; pleasure at the feel of her tongue moving along his length; pleasure at the way she massaged his balls while her other hand held his cock in place.

This was Rey, beautiful, sweet, lovely Rey who was giving him head, struggling even to take him all in her mouth and that made his ego do somersaults.

“Fuck, Rey…” he groaned. Oh, the sensations she was giving him. He wanted to close his eyes and savor the feeling but he didn’t want to miss a single thing; didn’t want to miss that hungry look in her eyes as she continued to stare back at him, hollowing her cheeks as she sucked him.

Unable to restrain himself any longer, he began bucking his hips upwards, chasing the warmth and wetness of her mouth, and he grew even harder at the thought that he could be someplace even warmer. Tighter.

He stopped bucking when he felt his balls tighten, and he pulled Rey off of him. She gasped at the loss of contact.

“Sorry,” he apologized breathlessly. “But I don’t want to come in your mouth.”

He gave her a meaningful stare, and she smiled in response before crawling up to his side and pulling him towards her.

It was time.

Reaching into his bedside table, he took out a pack of condoms and put one on before moving in between Rey’s legs. He licked his lips as he began rubbing the underside of his cock against her clit, making her moan and hiss beneath him.

He readied himself at her entrance but hesitated. “Rey…are you sure you want this?”

“Yes,” Rey replied instantly, and with furrowed brows, asked, “And you?”

A soft smile danced on Kylo’s lips. “I’ve never been more sure in my entire life.”

With that, he angled himself correctly and slowly entered her.

Kylo let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he had fully seated himself within her. She was small, oh so tight and snug around him that it took everything he had not to come right there and then.

“Fuck, Rey, you’re so tight,” he groaned, and hissed when she clenched around him. “Ah fuck, you’re going to make me come.”

He pulled away a little to gaze down at her, and found that she was shutting her eyes, a pained expression on her face. “Rey…sweetheart, are you alright?”

She nodded, but still kept her eyes shut. No, she wasn’t okay, and Kylo ran a gentle hand down her cheek. “Rey, look at me.”

She opened her eyes then, and there was the most haunted look in her eyes followed by an expression almost of surprise that he was there. “Ben...”

“Yes, it’s Ben.” He nodded and smiled encouragingly. “It’s just me. Just Ben. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I…I know…” Rey smiled back. “I’ll be alright. I’m just not…used to this. You’re…a lot bigger than…I anticipated.”

He felt his chest puff up, and he leaned down to kiss her. “Are you ready?”

She nodded, and he began moving, and oh, it felt so good to be inside her, to have his hard cock be caressed by the ridges of her most intimate flesh all the while exchanging kiss after deep kiss with her.

But it wasn’t just about being with a woman. She was only the second he’d ever been with but he could already tell this experience was nothing at all like that first one. This wasn’t a harried if not desperate melding of sweaty bodies. This…this was something else.

This was something special.

“Rey…oh, Rey…” he moaned out as he continued to thrust into her. He wanted nothing more than to be buried even deeper inside her, to be as close to her as possible. He’d never wanted to be as close to anyone as he did Rey at that moment…no, not just at this moment. He wanted to be close to her. _Always_.

Beneath him, Rey panted and moaned. But he wanted more. Wanted her to feel more.  And so, without pulling out, he sat up and used his thumb to stimulate her clit.

“Ben! Fuck!” she cursed, writhing beneath him as she did and he felt her clamp around him some more. And damn if that didn’t feel great. “Fuck, that feels so good.”

Kylo grinned and continued stimulating her clit while thrusting into her, managing to find his rhythm even as she bucked her hips wildly to meet his. He gave and he took with every thrust, the bed creaking with their motions, the bedroom echoing with their moans and the slapping of skin against skin.

Through all this, his eyes never left her face—that gorgeous face that was flushed in ecstasy, her hazel, glassy eyes that rolled to her head with his every thrust, her inviting pink lips that were slightly parted with her rapid breaths. She was a sight to behold, and he knew then this would be a memory he would treasure for a lifetime.

Removing his fingers from her clit and burying his face at the crook of her neck, he held her tight against his body as he quickened his thrusts, chasing the heat, the friction, the bliss it gave as her insides shaped and reshaped to fit his need. He didn’t stop until he felt her flutter and clamp around him, and she cried out his name just as he spilled forth within her, her name also on his lips upon his release.

“Rey…”

“Ben…”

He lay on top of her for a little while, planting kisses on her shoulder, her neck, her cheeks before he propped himself up on his elbows to look down at her, to gaze down and commit her to memory.

“That was…amazing,” she said breathlessly, and added. “Thank you.”

Thank you? He should be the one thanking her! This…this was a precious gift; a memory he could treasure for the rest of his days but he was unable to say this in so many words. His heart was beating too fast at how achingly beautiful she was beneath him, at how brave she was for letting him do this, at how considerate she was of his well-being. Rey…Rey was special in more ways than he could imagine, and he leaned down to capture her lips in his once more, spelling out with kisses what he couldn’t articulate with words. And he hoped she understood that every kiss, every touch had meaning. That _this_ meant _something_ to him.

No.

This meant _everything_ to him.

Once the fervor of their kisses died down, Kylo pulled out and held her tight in his arms, inhaling the scent of her hair and feeling the contours of her body against his. A companionable silence stretched between them until finally, if not impulsively, he said, “Rey…run away with me.”

Rey looked up at him then, and he could see tears glisten at the corners of her eyes.

When she said nothing, he continued, “You don’t have to be alone in this anymore. I’ll take care of you.”

Still, Rey didn’t speak, and he watched as she bit down on her quivering lower lip before a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Yes, Ben,” she said, “I will.”

The next morning, Kylo would wake up to find himself alone in bed, a note addressed to Ben Solo on his bedside table.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'd like to thank you readers for keeping up with this fic despite the delayed updates. Real life took much of my time away from fandom, not to mention the major writer's block I had on how I was supposed to end this fic. But we've come to the conclusion now and I've uploaded a short Epilogue of this story as well.
> 
> This fic was never meant to be that long, as it was just supposed to a brief expansion of the one shot "Hard Candy". For those who have read Hard Candy before, this chapter will be very familiar and has in fact been lifted from that story. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much readers and I hope you enjoyed this story up to its conclusion.

He hadn’t slept this well in years. And he’d had a good dream. No, he’d had a great dream. One that involved Rey. And with that thought, he turned to his side and reached for her, only to find himself grabbing at empty sheets.

Lifting his head from the pillow, Kylo blinked blearily at the empty space beside him before his eyes zeroed in on a conspicuous piece of folded paper propped up on the bed side table.

Scribbled on the note in big letters was the name ‘BEN SOLO’.

His heart suddenly pounding hard against his chest, he grabbed the note and read through it, his eyes widening with each line before he finally threw the note aside and scrambled to put on his pants.

Barefoot, Kylo ran at breakneck speed outside his apartment, and would’ve slipped on something wet and sticky on the hallway floor had he not managed to find his footing.

He looked down and saw to his horror, a trail of blood leading from Plutt’s apartment to the elevator.

Panic couldn’t begin to describe what he was feeling at the moment. His first instinct was to follow the trail of blood to the elevator until he saw the door to Plutt’s apartment was wide open.

“Rey!”

Rushing inside, he turned his head every which way, eyes moving over the upturned furniture, a broken lamp, and still more blood on the floor. Clearly there had been a recent struggle. How could he have not heard anything?

Then, a moan. Coming from the kitchen.

Jumping over the pieces of the broken lamp, Kylo ran to the kitchen and found it in complete disarray—an overturned dining table, broken plates and cups everywhere, blood on the floor, and in a heap in the corner, the small, bloodied body of Rey, curled up in a fetal position.

Everything felt like a blur after that. He may have cradled her, screaming her name and getting himself bloodied in the process. Or he may have called 911 first. He wasn’t sure anymore. He was lost in a maelstrom of emotions—terror, rage, pain and despair all at once. And when the paramedics came, they’d had to pry Rey from his arms so they could work on her and rush her to the hospital.

The cops had been quick to take him in for questioning especially after learning of his real name. Of course they would suspect him first. He had a record after all, and so he called his attorney in before he made a statement.

His fists remained clenched all throughout the interview. He knew who did this, and he made it no secret to the police who he suspected did this. They would look into it, they said, but by the time Kylo and his attorney left the precinct, he began to doubt if the police could do anything about it.

And that’s when it hit him—a thirst that he had not felt in over a decade.

A thirst for blood.

A thirst for revenge.

And so he began to plot. He was once more a man on a mission.

* * *

     

In the three days it took for Rey to regain consciousness from her stab wounds and the blunt force trauma to her head, Kylo had managed to track down the whereabouts of his target. He watched from his car as the lumbering giant of a man waddled his way into his motel room, his arm on a sling. It was clear that whatever happened during his altercation with Rey, this man did not go unscathed.

Kylo would use this handicap to his advantage.

He looked around some more, scouting the area. His target had chosen a seedy, almost abandoned motel in the outskirts of the city, surrounded by a wooded area where one could easily disappear in should a chase begin. Smart since this monster of a man was trying to lay low from the police. But not smart enough for the other monster on the prowl.

Kylo took a long drag of his cigarette. He hadn’t smoked in years, but he was going to need more of it for later. Needed to calm his nerves for whatever was to come, and to further do away with any lingering doubt in his mind, he took out the note that was tucked in his pocket and read it for what seemed like the thousandth time.

It was the note Rey had left him on his bed side table.

_[Dear Ben,_

_First of all, I’m sorry for disappearing on you like that. It’s because I realized that even if I did runaway with you, Plutt would always find me unless I did something about it.]_

Driving away from the motel parking area, he went to work as he usually did, making sure to call the hospital to check on Rey’s progress. The nurses informed him that she was still too weak to talk to the cops, but she was going to be on the mend.

_[You see, we’re a lot alike, you and I. Hardened by experience and by the world. That’s what drew me to your case in the first place, because unlike me, you had the strength to face your monster. They call it murder, manslaughter, whatever. I call it poetic justice.]_

At the end of the afternoon, Kylo smiled and waved goodbye to his co-workers. Casual acquaintances, most of them, but today, he’d taken the time to have some burritos with them. It was a surprisingly fun group, and he regretted not having spent more time with them.

He didn’t regret stealing one of the crowbars from the site though and hiding it in the trunk of his car.

_[Snoke was a monster and he deserved nothing less, if not more for what he did to you and God knows how many others.]_

Night had fallen by the time he moved his car back to the wooded area near the motel of his target, checking to make sure he had the same things he had when he went on a similar mission ten years ago—gloves, a  black ski mask, rope, and of course, the crowbar. The trash bag, duct tape, and weights were a new addition. He wasn’t going to leave a body out in the open this time.

_[The day we met was the day I was about to jump off that railing. It had become too hard for me to bear and I didn’t see an end but seeing you, my childhood hero, alive and still trying to live despite everything you’ve been through gave me hope that I might not be as fucked up, used and dirty as I thought I was. That somehow, someone would still want me. That it was you who wanted me made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in years.]_

He bid his time, waiting until the coast was clear, before going to the front of the motel room, masked and carrying his gear.

_[If you’re reading this, then I’m probably dead. Because I’ve decided that enough is enough. I’ve spent ten years suffering under my monster but I know now that if I am to live my own life, I have to fight for it but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. But I’d rather die trying than live another second under his thumb.]_

He knocked on the door.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Pizza delivery.”

“I didn’t order no pizza.”

“But it says here that it’s for Mr. Unkar Plutt.”

_[I want to be free of this pain. And maybe then, maybe then I can be free to be with you.]_

The door opened, and out came a blob of a man, dressed in nothing but a stained white top and boxers, his beer gut protruding from under his shirt, beady eyes wide at the sight of Kylo Ren looming over the doorway.

_[It’s probably just another silly dream. But if there’s anything knowing you have taught me, it’s that I shouldn’t let the hardships in life sway me from savoring whatever sweetness it can give.]_

“What the fu—”

Before Plutt could even back off, Kylo raised the crowbar and struck his jaw, cracking it loose under the blow and knocking the man to the ground.

_[Until we meet again,]_

Plutt crawled on the floor, groaning like the wounded animal he was. But no one would hear him. Not in this late hour, not after Kylo closed the door and upped the volume of the television. He took out the rope, found the man’s neck beneath the folds of his double chin and fastened a pretty little necklace on him, the choking sounds music to Kylo’s ears.

“This,” he growled, “This is for...”

_[Rey]_


	9. Epilogue

Rey opened her eyes and watched the world continue to pass by. Yawning, she settled further against Ben’s shoulder, and she felt him turn to plant a kiss on her forehead.

She heard the train conductor call out the next station but this wasn’t their stop. Not yet. They still had a long ways to go, further and further into the countryside, to a place where they could disappear.

She squeezed Ben’s hand and he squeezed back. She knew what he was. Knew what he did for her. Did to Plutt. She only regretted that she hadn’t been able to do it herself but that was all in the past now. There’s a new future ahead of them. A future free of torment. They would still have their demons, but they would also have each other.

And that was the most important thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original story "Hard Candy", I left things pretty open-ended and while this does have a bit of an open ending as well, I decided to end it on a happier note with Rey and Kylo actually running away together and into hopefully a better future :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this dark tale with the lighthearted ending. As they say, there's always light at the end of the tunnel and I wanted to end this fic on just that.
> 
> Thank you again for everyone who read, bookmarked, commented and followed the fic to its conclusion. I hope to write more Reylo fics in the future and I hope you guys would join me in that journey too. Thank you so much again!

**Author's Note:**

> If the chapter seems familiar to some of you, that's because this was originally my one-shot fic "Hard Candy", which I am now turning into a multi-chapter fic. If you don't want spoilers, I suggest steering clear of that fic.


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